Where is the hickey?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I need a burrito and a hug.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
