i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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