This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
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