I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
