Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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