my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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