CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
