new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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