My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
