Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
