The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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