My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
