Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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