Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
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the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
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For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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