Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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