he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
