he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
