chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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