If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
