You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
