I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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