Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
