My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
