Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
