My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Randomize
