why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Text me some of your sweat
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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