Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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