i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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