Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
