I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
And then my night got REAL pukey
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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