8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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