I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
