I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
