yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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