I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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