There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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