i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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