i would punch a child for taco bell
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
