Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
