Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
