noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Randomize
