you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Walk of Shame today included voting.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
