once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
