My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
