Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
