omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You may now shotgun with the bride
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
