I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
