dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
