Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
