Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
