I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Randomize
