dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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