she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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