I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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