I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
