a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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