I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
