i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
