maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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