Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
