she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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