Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Randomize
