Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
