Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
