Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
