I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
