Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
