we have pet lesbian snakes
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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