I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
