I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
