Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
