No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
