life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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