u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
