I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
