did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
