My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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