guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
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