never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
