So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
