I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
