I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
