i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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